Today I am going to court to ask for a divorce. Everyone around me is happy for me. I should be feeling excited. I should be feeling ready. There are a lot of ‘shoulds.’ But what I actually feel is sad. And numb.  I don’t seem to have any tears left. I guess that is good. I don’t feel angry or disappointed. It’s just sad. But I do know that ...
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Many parents will say this and I am no different: I thought I was doing everything I could to try and protect and shield our child from what was happening in our home. Other than leaving. I was too scared to leave. I thought that if we were all in one home, I could at least be there with her 100% of the time. But if I left and we ...
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A few years ago, my partner was arrested and convicted of domestic violence. His narcissism and anger issues finally caught up to him and for a moment, he let his mask fall. That moment showed a few people who he truly was. It was pivotal for both of us and kicked off a series of hearings, testifying, and a legal battle I never imagined. Of course, in true narcissistic style, ...
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During my marriage, the frequency and intensity of the abuse got worse over time. By the third and fourth years, it was almost daily: a day of not speaking followed by a day of berating. There were rare moments of peace. It was a roller coaster of mental and physical torment. I told a few people about it but kept most of it to myself. I didn’t even know how ...
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After my partner was arrested, I still communicated with him via text. I responded to questions about our child. And I said that I needed space and time. Very quickly I realized he was trying to pull me back in by promising the moon and the stars…again. But fool me once, twice, three times…but not fifty. I knew there was no going back. If I went back, it would be ...
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When I think of hoover, my first thought is of a vacuum. This makes sense because hoovering is essentially sucking the life, happiness, and soul out of someone. That was my experience anyway. I had never heard of this term. Throughout my marriage I did not know it even existed. But now, two years post-separation, I see how hoovering ran rampant in my daily life. Hoovering is the type of ...
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I don't believe that one human being should control another human being. Yet it happens every day with supervisors and staff, parents and their children, and governments and communities. In some cases, it feels justified. As parents, we are keeping our kids safe and as a supervisor we are doing our jobs. We are protecting people. But when does control cross a line? When is it too much? And why ...
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He said I deserved having a miscarriage - it was my karma. He told me I was a dark cloud that brought back luck to us and everyone close to me. He called me a bitch, a whore, a cunt. He told me he would never allow our daughter to be anything like me. That she deserved a better mother. She deserved a mother who was beautiful, successful and confident…and ...
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Truth be told, I had never heard the term gaslighting being used as much that often. And then I started hearing it all the time, especially by media outlets. But it still didn’t click that it was happening to me until much later. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person tries to have power over another person. It is manipulative. It is abusive. It is controlling. And ...
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I have not had contact with my partner in 18 months. In that time my emotions have gone up, down, and all around. I have had to have some really hard, honest and reflective conversations with myself about how I arrived at this point in my life. With my 40th birthday just around the corner, it seems like no time like now to own up to my part in all ...
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